Sanity has been restored! Pakistan have beaten Netherlands comprehensibly to grab a spot in the Super Eights. 

The bright orange gear clad bunch of amateur cricketers are going back to what they do best - their 9-5 jobs.
They may be gone but my heart thanks them for having given me a wonderful day of cricket.

The way they felled the indifferent English cricket team is sure to become a folklore.

Hope they bring more joyous moments like this in futuire tournaments.

Cheers,
Rosh

The Mighty has been felled!

And with that the Dutch team, having won their first match in the 2009 T20 World Cup, has signaled that they need to be taken more seriously in this ridiculously short format of the gentleman’s game.

What a contrast the two competing sides made. One displayed an array of shambolic performances on field while the other egged on by surprise, cheer and self-belief held their nerves to scamper through for the victory.

One a team of highly paid, overrated professionals while the other a team of part-timers, taking time-off from the respective 9-5 jobs to participate in this event.

In the unlikely scenario of Holland proceeding to the next level, it will further drain the pockets of this team of enthusiasts. I sincerely hope that this triumph of theirs attract more sponsors to Dutch Cricket.

Hurray once again! 

I could see the captain, vice-captain and few senior members of the team have an animated discussion. I knew what their concern was - ‘Who should bowl the penultimate over?’
Sachin was as keen as ever. Munaf had four overs pending, Zak had one and Yuvi and Sehwag had plenty.
Munaf had gone for thrashing that day. His first spell read 3 overs, 48 runs, no wicket.
He had fared marginally in his second spell of 3 overs where he yielded just 43 runs - not bad considering the way Yuvi’s mediocre left arm spin was treated.
The Lankans scored 27 runs in the sole over sent down by him. He would have definitely thanked his stars that the Mascarenas episode had not repeated itself.
The Lankans were brutal, but it did not hurt the way it did when Mascarenas had tonked him repeatedly out of the park.

After posting a huge score of 281 on a difficult track, we were certain to win. But the whole complexion of the match had changed when Sanath decided to switch gears.
2 overs to go. We needed 1 wicket to win. Lankans required 41 more runs to win. Difficult equation but not impossible! One had seen Sanath accomplish even difficult tasks.

I was surprised when the captain beckoned me.
I sprinted over to the meeting place. Captain Dhoni, known to trust his instincts more than anything else, smiled as he handed over the ball to me.
"You have been our best bowler today! Same waise hi daal!"(Eng translation: Bowl in the same manner)
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing!
I was just a rookie, directly flown in to replace the injured Harbhajan Singh. I agree I had played a handful of Ranji matches. But, nothing did prepare me for what I was going to do.
I was going to bowl the penultimate over of the finals of the Champions Trophy. I felt good that my captain had so much faith in my abilities.

The crowd encouraged me and cheered me on but I felt nervous and fearful, like one of those gladiators, egged on by an anxious crowd, who had been pushed into an arena to fight with lions.
Everybody seemed to agree, I was the right choice. The gentle breeze had started picking up speed.

Placing the field for my last over for the game was excruciatingly slow. I wanted to be sure that I had the field of my choice.
I walk slowly to the umpire and hand him my RayBan sunglasses. I did not ever appreciate the sight of spinners bowling with their sunglasses on. And that is why I disliked the mercurial Mark Waugh.
I practice my run-up once more. My run-up is quite simple. It is a cross-breed of Warne’s and Rajesh Chauhan’s.

The first bowl that I bowl to Sanath, I come around the wicket. I pitch the ball on a good length which enables Sanath to get under the ball and heave it over long on. It’s a massive six.
"Come on! Come on!" Dhoni shouts from behind the stumps.

The ball comes back to me. I say a silent prayer before starting my run up. I decide to bowl a googly. No Sanath would be waiting for that! Let me bowl my stock ball - the leg break again.
I manage to pitch the ball in the same spot as I had done the previous ball.
Did I see Sanath smile as he thumped the ball further in the crowd? Am I losing my mind?

Dhoni rushes to me and pats me on my back. Bowl the googly, he advices me.
I return to my mark. I have a look at the field placing once more. I bowl a beautiful googly. Pitches on the middle stump and spins away sharply from the burly left-hander.
He swings wildly at it. He misses it completely, and so does Dhoni.
I am still in the state of shock as I see the ball race forward to the boundary ropes.

Umpire signals 4 runs. I run over to him trying to explain that it has missed everything. The umpire just smiles. I just stare at him in disbelief as I tug on my locks.

Slowly I walk back. I want the humiliation to be over soon. I am unable to focus. I feel that everything is going against me.
As I run up to bowl the fourth deliver of my over, I see Sanath changing his stance. I now knew what Styris would have felt when he saw Pieterson do that.
I was shocked. So shocked, that instead of pulling up, I bowl him a slow full toss which is disdainfully dispatched over my head for a maximum.
Sanath oozed of belligerence, the quality that made him successful. I am not ashamed to say that I was intimidated.

I can see now that Dhoni is fidgety. Maybe he is ruing his decision to make me bowl.
Sachin, at long off, is chewing his nails.

I wait for a moment before I deliver my fifth ball of the over. I bowl a flipper. I got the line all right but the length is way too short. Sanath rocks on his back foot and pulls it over long on. I stare at the ball as it sails over the newly built stands.
It is a maximum by a big margin. Sanath walks down the pitch as we wait for the fourth umpire to bring the replacement balls.
Dhoni agrees on the replacement ball.

My sixth ball almost yorks Sanath as he tries to get under it once more. Did I hear right? I turn to see the umpire extend his arm to signal a no ball.
Sanath runs hard. But Murali is a little slow of his blocks. They attempt a third run on the throw. Munaf, not the best fielder in the team, throws the balls toward me. Sanath is easily in. I attempt to run out Murali. Dhoni springs forward to collect my throw. The wind is stronger now and Dhoni’s cap flies off, distracting him for a moment.
The ball bounces off Dhoni’s pads and rolls towards the cap.
The umpire signals penaly five runs.

My sixth ball is not over yet and I have already conceded 9 runs of it. The equation now reads - 1.1 overs to go and 4 runs to win for the Lankans. Murali is at the strike.
The impatient crowd has begun to throw bottles on the ground. They expect Murali to finish it off in this over itself.

As I walk back for the final time to my mark, all of a sudden the stadium lights blink and die leaving the field in pitch darkness. It’s not even a full moon night.
The umpires consult for some time and walk back.

It seems there has been a major power overload and all the bulbs on the stadium have burnt out. There is no was that the authorities can rectify the problem now.
Duckworth-Lewis results are out. India win by a run.
Dhoni pumps his fist in the air. All the team mates run up to him to congratulate him on the finals win.

As I walk back dejected, I feel a friendly arm on my shoulders.
"Thanks mate! At last you have relieved me of my burden. Now nobody will remember the Mascarenas Massacre! “, smiled Yuvraj.
I punched him in the face and watched his nose bleed.

We don’t talk anymore.

And yes. I forgot to mention. I have switched over to Golf.

Cheers,
Rosh

Act - 2 (Scene 1 to 4)

Premise: The second test match at Mohali culminates in a thumping victory for the Indians. Turning point of the match was Dada and Dhoni’s 1st innings partnership and the vital breakthroughs provided by rookie Amit Mishra.

Scene 1:
Celebrations post-victory, Mohali.

India wins.
Dhoni takes one of the stumps and walks towards the dressing room happily. His moment of happiness is rudely cut short by Dada who yanks away the stump from him.

Dada : "Teri to! Maine sau run banaye aur mujhe hi souvenir nahi milega?"(English translation: I have scored a century against the Aussies. I deserve the stump as a souvenir)

Dhoni (with a fake smile and almost whispering): "Abey chod! Yeh mera hai."(English translation: Mate, Leave it! It’s mine)

Dhoni is aware of the millions of people staring at him through their television sets.

Dhoni (to himself): "Aila! Yeh sab to camera pe aa raha hoga. Mujhe captain banna hai to kurbani to deni hi pagedi. Warna people will think, I am selfish." (English translation: The camera is capturing all these moments. In order to be made captain, I should not be shy of little sacrifices)

Millions of hearts melt viewing such a magnanimous gesture (presenting the stump to Dada) by Captain Cool Dhoni.
In a random town, a random girl is busy munching her chips, and gushing out tears of joy.

Camera captures Gary’s glowing white teeth and Chika’s Jack-in-the-Box celebrations.

————————————————————————-

Scene 2:
Team Meeting, Restaurant, Mohali.

Ponting: "We got kicked, stamped and what not on our balls royally! I cannot even feel mine."

Ponting keeps ranting. Team members look at each other and smile.

Tim Nielsen: "My very good friend, Bishen Bedi has agreed to coach our spinners."

Clarke (seemingly annoyed at the suggestion): "Will he render the same services as Greg Chappell did for our batting? Render it useless?"

Tim Nielsen (pretending having not heard the remark): "Spinners, be ready at 16:00 hrs tomorrow."

Silence.

Waiter: "Have you decided the main course?"

————————————————————————-

Scene 3:
Practice ground, Delhi

Bishen Bedi: "Spin is an art which is international. It’s not Indian, or Pakistani, or Australian…
But, East or West, I am the best.. Ha ha ha. So you guys are ready to learn from the Guru?"

Kretjza (excitedly): "Yes. I am ready."

Bedi: "Who are you? I am here only to train the Aussie spinners."

Clarke trudges forward.

Clarke: "He is one of us."

Bedi (sarcastically): "Where is your lead spinner?"

————————————————————————-

Scene 4:
In a dream, Hotel Room.

Tim Nielsen (dressed up as Devil, with red curved horns - more like that of an antelope’s): "Spinners, be ready at 16:00 hrs tomorrow"

White (smiles and says to himself): "Thank God! I can rest tomorrow. I am not a spinner. I am a batsman. Heck, I don’t even consider myself qualified to bowl for the team, Victoria, that I captain."

Ponting (dressed up as an angel, chewing his nails): "No worries mate! You are the best spinner I have on this tour. You are playing Match 3."

White rests on Ponting’s lap, smiling to himself.

————————————————————————-

To be continued…

Cheers,
Rosh

Act - 1 ( Scene 4 & 5 )

Premise: The first test match at Bangalore ends in a draw. Turning point of the match was Bhajji and Zak’s partnership. Both contributed with strokeful half centuries.

Scene 4:
Hotel room, Bangalore.

Chika (Kris Srikanth): "Well played boys! Bhajji to apna naya batting star hai."(English translation: Bhajji is our new batting star)

Zak sulks in one corner of the room. He feels unappreciated.

Jumbo Kumble: "As I promised, Chika - Boys gave their best."

Dhoni (almost whispering): "We all did! But, did you? Old Man."

The entire team lets out a muffled laughter except Chika who maintains a serious expression on his face, more on the lines of - ‘I am constipated’.
And of course Bhajji, who continues to prefer his age old, well practiced, roll on the floor laughter.

An old Indian locker room saying goes - "Don’t disturb Bhajji when he is rolling on the floor!"

Kumble looks at Dhoni. He knows that its time to hand over the reins to Dhoni.

Gary Kirsten: "Boys, I am happy that you guys played well. This Australian bowling attack does not have any teeth. Next match blast them."

Team unanimously: "Yes coach."

Gary beams and shows his brilliant white teeth.

————————————————————————-

Scene 5:
Another room, same hotel, Bangalore

Tim Nielsen(coach): "What the hell happened out there?"

Ponting: "That jerk, The Turbanator; that is what happened. Had it not been for him, we had India on the carpet."

The phone rings - Tring.. Tring.. Tring!

James: "What is happening there? Is it time to ask Warney, McGrath and Kasprowitz for help? They are all in good shape playing for IPL and ICL"

Ponting: "Team will play better the next match, Sir."

Kretjza (almost pleading): "Uncle James, Coach Tim is not allowing me to play in the Test matches. I want to play, please."

James: "It is upto Tim and your Captain, Crazy! They will decide."

Ponting looks sternly at Kretjza because he has dared to speak without asking permission.
Cameron White understands Ponting’s look and smiles to himself.
He knows that now there is no way that Kretjza can get into the team.

————————————————————————-

To be continued…

Cheers,
Rosh

Act - 1 ( Scene 3 )

Scene 3:
Bangalore, On the eve of the first test match.

Chika (Kris Srikanth): "I would have loved played tomorrow, but as you see I am not young anymore. But mind-it, Mere paas power hai jo mere square cuts se bhi tez hai. (English translation: I now have power that is sharper than my square cuts). If anyone does not perform well , I will cut you off from the team."

Jumbo Kumble: "Boys will do their best."

Bhajji aka. Turbanator: "Balle! Balle!"

Team enthusiastically: "Jeet jayenge! Jeet jayenge! In chillar aussies se hum jeet jayenge" (English translation: We shall win! We shall win! Against these meagre aussies, we shall win)

Chika: "Silence! Silence! Let’s review their team first. Gary! Please start."

Gary Kirsten(coach): "As you say Cheeka! Let’s start with Matthew Hayden. Guys, your thoughts."

Veeru Sehwag: "Saand hai.. saala saand! Pitch pe aise khada hota hai jaise poori ghaas uski hai." (English translation: He is a bull! He stands on the pitch as if all the grass were only his)

Ganguly dada (jumps from his chair): "Grass! On the pitch? Yaar phir se waat lagegi. Is baar to maine curator se jhagda bhi nahi kiya.” (English translation: This time also we are screwed. I didn’t even fight with the curator this time, then why the grass on the pitch?)

Chika (starts rhyming): "Don’t get scared, dada. Yeh hai mera wada. Pitch pe ghaas rakhne ka curator ka nahi hai iraada. Jo ek do hain, usko bhi karwa doonga main aadha" (English translation: Don’t get scared mate. It is my promise to you that the curator doesnt intend to leave any grass on the pitch. If any blades are remaining on the pitch, I would crop those to half.)

Ganguly dada (jumps from his chair again): "Yipee!"

Gary Kirsten: "Coming back to Matthew Hayden, I suggest that we bowl only wides to him. That way he will not be able to hit the ball."

Jumbo: "Great idea, coach. I bet any Indian coach wouldn’t have come up with such an innovative idea."

Gary beams.

Sachin: "Next in line is Katich. He has done well in the sub-continent. What should we to stop him from scoring?"

Gary Kirsten: "Katich shuffles a lot when he starts off. Dhoni, you just distract him fom behind the stumps. And Zaheer, make sure that you bowl a straight bowl that crashes onto his pads. He will be plumb LBW."

Chika: "Great! Carry on guys. This is amazing stuff. Next is their captain Ponting."

Bhajji: "Usko to aap log mere pe chod do. Neend mai bhi le sakta hoon usko." (English translation: Leave him to me. I can take care of him even in my sleep.)

Ishant (slightly irked): "Praji, Aaapne new nahi suna kya?(English translation: Brother, haven’t you heard?) He is my bunny. I will finish Ponting. You take Hussey."

Gary Kirsten: "Let’s not bother about Hussey. He is Mr. Consistent. Let’s get the others out. Vice captain Clarke is next"

Dhoni: "Yeh to bahut solid batsman hai. Iske haath-pair nahi todh sakte kya match se pehle?" (English translation: He is a solid batsman! Can’t we just break his arms or legs before the match?)

Dravid (a silent spectator till now): "Mahatma has advised - No violence! You need not worry about Clarke. He is not ‘The Wall’. I am. Just give him some time. He will get out himself."

Gary Kirsten: "We are down to the tail now. Watson and Haddin are next."

Jumbo: "But, coach. Watson did very well in the IPL."

Gary Kirsten: "We are playing Test match tomorrow, Dumbo. Err.. sorry Jumbo. He will bowl a few bouncers at us. That’s the only thing he does well. Let’s just sway away from the line of the ball. And, as far as Haddin goes - Everyone knows that he is no Gilchrist."

Chika: "Well said. Ha ha. Now comes the bowlers. I am enjoying this discussion. Let’s talk about Lee, the Aussie bowling spearhead."

Sachin: "Arrey! Yeh to kitna simple hai. Bachcha bhi bata sakta hai. Spearhead ke saamne deewar rakh do. Spearhead takrayega aur choor choor ho jayega. Fir to poora spear hi waste. Sahi hai na?" (English translation: Arrey! It’s so simple. Even a child can answer this. Place ‘The Wall’ in front of the spearhead. Spearhead will hit the wall and disintegrate. Once this happens the spear itself shall be rendered useless. Ain’t I right?)

Gary Kirsten: "Very true. Let’s blunt Lee."

Bhajji (not one to let a PJ go out of hand): "Ab to movie bhi aa jayegi uski Mallika Sherawat ke sath. The Myth - starring Blunt Lee" (English translation: Now he will even release a movie with Mallika Sherawat. The Myth - starring Blunt Lee.)

Veeru Sehwag(lifts Bhajji on his shoulder): "Balle! Balle!"

Gary Kirsten: "Order! Order! We still need to discuss about their other pase bowlers Stuey Clark and Mitchell Johnson."

Zak (Zaheer Khan, itching to speak against a fellow left-armer): "Johnson doesn’t even know to swing a bowl into the right hander. Useless bowler! Look at me. Am I not the best left arm pace bowler in the world."

The entire team lets out a muffled laughter barring Bhajji who prefers to roll on the floor.

To be continued…

Cheers,
Rosh

Act- 1 ( Scene1 & 2)

Premise:
Before the Border - Gavaskar Trophy ‘08 began, everyone hailed Mr. Ponting as Captain Wonder - A captain who could do no wrong… An unflappable captain… Captain of the mighty Australian cricket team.
Ponting had lofty visions of overpowering India on their own soil. He had, at his beck and call, a troop of dedicated soldiers who, he knew as everyone else did, would risk their own lives at his command.

Scene 1:
In a secluded apartment on the outskirts of Sydney.

James (Not Bond but Sutherland obviously): "Go my tigers! Make our nation proud. And, captain - I am counting on you to lead your team well!"

Ponting: "Aye! Aye! Boss."

Team enthusiastically: "Aye! Aye!"

Ponting gives a stern look to his mates, which gets everyone to shut up.

Clarke (2nd in Command): "What about Roy, Sir? Ain’t he done with his fishing? He can hit those mighty sixes and moreover he can easily step on Turbanator’s nerve."

Sound: "Thhpwach! Thhpwach! Thhpwach! Thhpwach!"

Lee boy (strumming his guitar starts to croon): "Somebody’s shooting at us…! I bet it’s the Turbanator. An air rifle in his hands… Doing that bhangra dance…”

Ponting: "Shut up you moron. Stop singing. And by the way, it doesn’t rhyme at all. That ugly wretch! I am going to kill him once and for all."

Ponting jumps of his chair and yanks open the window only to find Roy standing outside frantically waving and gesturing.

Roy: "O Captain. My Captain! It’s me, Roy. Small fish don’t excite me any more! I want to bait sharks - those Indians I mean."

James (straining his neck, and putting his head out of the window): "Well boy! Go fish! Your time ain’t come yet!"

James Sutherland closes the window and pulls down the curtain.

————————————————————————-

Scene 2:
Hotel room, Jaipur. Team Meeting.

Greg (Anti-Ganguly) Chappell: "… As I have been saying, irritate those Indians. Get on their nerves. They can handle all Lees and Clarks but not this."

Pointing: "But, this time we are prepared for the Indian tracks. We have two good spinners in our team - McGain and Kretjza"

Greg (looking very confused): "McCain? I thought he was American. Ain’t he too old for this stuff? Why is he here? Is he not contesting US Elections?"

Matty Hayden (looking at captain Ponting): "Permission to speak, Sir!"

Ponting nods.

Matty: "It’s McGain Sir! No McCain. BTW, I am supporting McCain. His deputy, Palin, does look a piece of art. And as you all know; I am such a piece of art myself."

Matty rolls his sleeves up and flexes his muscles proudly.

Greg: "Oh! I see. Where is he?"

Kretjza (aka Crazy): "Permission to speak, Sir!"

Ponting nods again.

Kretjza: "He is in his room watching videos of Warney getting the thrashing of his life by the Indians. He does seem a bit uncomfortable with the idea of bowling against the Indian greats. "

"May I play? Please." Kretjza asks earnestly.

Tim Nielsen (coach) stares at Kretjza with a - ‘Are you crazy or what?’ look.

"O Lord! Please get me to play. I want to play… Please Lord! Pleaseeee" Kretjza prays silently to God.

Little did Kretjza know that God was listening to his prayers. Had he had known, he would have asked for the grand Rolls-Royce that he has always wanted. But, as he prayed for it, he got to play the first tour match.
McGain, the Aussie premier spinner, was ruled out of the series due to a shoulder injury.

————————————————————————-

To be continued…

Cheers,
Roshan

Some people hate it… Some people are hooked on to it..
Yes. You guessed right.
Welcome to the World of 20-20 cricket.

With so many 20-20 leagues formed and so many clones on the way, is cricket quickening its transformation to an only 20-20 existence?
(News is that Australia, New Zealand and South Africa are planning one of their own)
Biased as I may be, I hate even to think of such a day.

Best test of a cricketer’s skill and ability comes in the form of Test cricket. That is why it is called "Test" cricket.
But yes some people may argue otherwise. They may say that 20-20 is as exiting as it gets!
In test cricket you may play as many dot balls as you like, but here in the shorter version a dot ball is as precious to the fielding team as is a wicket in Test cricket.
A player needs to have the ability to concentrate each ball and to attempt to score on each of them.
I agree its a tough task and it is tougher on the bowlers.

However I may appreciate Test cricket, one thing I am not shy to admit is that Test cricket isn’t for everyone.
20-20 may be the best bet to promote awareness of cricket in non-cricket playing nations.
It is good for the crowd too. In today’s fast paced world not everyone has the time or the patience to sit through five days to cricket(which sadly might not provide a result).
That’s where 20-20 come into picture - A fast-paced sport that inevitably yields a result in 3-4 hours.

Well enough of comparison of 20-20 and Test cricket. Some may prefer the roadside Ice Gola to a ‘Chocolate Ecstacy’ at Coffee Day.
So let’s stop at that.

Now coming to Sir Allen Stanford’s magnum opus - 20-20 For 20, a unique winner takes all format in Cricket.
The winning team will win 20 million USD. In this time when the entire world is fearing recession, what drives a millionare to pledge 100 million USD as prize money for 5 years?
As the head of Stanford Financial, hasn’t he ever heard of ROI - Retun on Investment?

Few points to note here:

1. Matches are scheduled in a small ground. There will be hardly any income from the tickets sold.
2. In England where the hype is maximum, matches are being aired on Sky which makes the average user least interested.
3. Sir Stan insists that he intends to promote and professionalise all the regional Caribbean teams. I sincerely hope that this is true. Being a West Indies cricket follower for a long time, I fail to understand how it will.
4. The ground itself is a farce. Bad floodlights. Bad Pitch. All making mockery of cricketers. What was ECB thinking while signing the deal?

Don’t think Mr. Stan even cares!

 ©The Mirror

All said and done 1st of Nov is the D-Day. With 20 million USD on the line, let’s see who can hold the nerves.
And for Mr. Stan! Does he manage to keep himself away from the wives and girlfriends of the English cricketers? Or does his (****) get the better of him?
We shall wait and watch.

P.S> Do you want to know what some of the English cricketers had to say? Click here.

Update(3rd Nov ‘08) : The English cricketers have received a mighty drubbing from Sir Stan’s Superstars. Andrew Miller, UK editor of Cricinfo, reports : "England, to their credit, were magnanimous to a fault in defeat, with Kevin Pietersen positively beaming as he reflected on the social justice that had been meted out on his watch. "At the end of the day you look at the happy faces of those boys who have nothing, it brings a smile to my face to see how happy they are," he said. "I’m a human being, and these guys are fellow professionals. It is so great to see a guy fall over on his back crying, with a million dollars in his bank account."

But as Chris Gayle very correctly pointed out during the after-match presentation ceremony - "Who doesn’t want a million, you got to be crazy!"

If the match didn’t, this particular comment would have brought a smile on the faces of the few brave spectators who witnessed Sir Stan’s grand dream of "20-20 for 20" unfold into a rather dishevelled, ghastly nightmare.

Cheers,
Rosh